Bye Bye Bellview

I better write this while I still have my mind. Part of it anyway.

It’s 8:45 p.m. and I foresee a late night of packing ahead. It’s our last night in our house. From the moment I woke up this morning, I’ve been weepy about it. I’m not sure why, but I didn’t expect it. Things have been so insanely busy here I haven’t had time to let the reality sink in. Today, it caught up with me.

After putting my boys to bed for the last time in this house, I sat in the bathroom and had a good cry. A nose running sob, more like it. I finally pulled myself together and started picking up the bath toys. I couldn’t sit on the toilet and cry all night, I had a zillion things to do.

For all its quirks I am going to miss this house. It is our first home and we have literally put our blood, sweat and tears into this place (not to mention money). Because of the condition it was in when we bought it, we did some major upgrades and renovations and got to choose everything from cabinets, to light fixtures, and paint. It is an expression of who we are, what we like, what we do.

But what really gets me is what we have been through in this house. Both our sons were brought home from the hospital to this very house. Tears are coming as I write this.

When we first moved in, my mom couldn’t help but remind me that our house was just like the one that they lived in when I was a baby. She would explain the lay out of the floor plan over and over, saying, “It was just like this, only…” and “We had a porch swing just like this” and so on. I listened and wondered at what the house must have looked like as we moved from the house when I was 2.

And now I’m my mother, moving out with two little boys. My oldest will be two on Sunday. They wont remember this house. And when they have babies they’ll probably listen to me tell them about this house, the house we lived in when they were babies.

I guess I’m mostly sad that this era of our lives is over. Tomorrow the door is closing and there’s no reopening it. There’s no going back. It is done. Gone. It’s history.

A few months after we moved in, my husband was in the front yard doing some yard work. A woman in a white SUV drove by and slowed to a stop. “I used to live here when I was one!” she shouted from the window.

My husband nodded and smiled and said something like, “no way.” Then she was gone.

I get it. Years from now, I’ll probably drive by this place and say Β to my children, “that’s where we lived when you were two and one!”

I know I’m a sap, but if I can’t move out of a house when they’re babies, what am I going to do at their college graduations? Or even worse, their weddings? Fall to pieces I guess. At least I won’t have to dry my eyes to pick up bath toys and pack my kitchen.

(Sigh) I will make it through. Well,I guess I better keep packing. Tomorrow we move to my parents for a few days, and Monday it’s off to Kentucky! Yup, that’s where we’re headed. I’ll keep you posted! (No pun intended :))

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17 thoughts on “Bye Bye Bellview

  1. YFG says:

    God will take the trip w/you. The attitudes you & Darrell have will make you wonder in a couple months, ” what was I concerned about?”. We love you and WILL be with you on your move!
    God be with you. YFG&G

  2. Jarah says:

    I know how you feel. Its amazing how attached we can get to the place we live. Its not just the house, but the memories in the house that make us want to hold onto it. I recently had a similar episode, but I wasn’t in the bathroom. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the baseboards of our empty duplex per the landlords request when I broke down. Thinking that Savannah will never remember this place, but she first lived here. Our marriage began here..so many wonderful memories. Now I am in this strange house wondering if it will ever feel like home. It is hard to move on to new beginnings. I hope you and Darrell the best and God’s grace as you go on into a new life. He will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

    • Butterfingers for Breakfast says:

      Thanks Jarah. Yes, it’s not the house itself (although I will miss my own house that we have done so much to) but the memories. But, already we are making new memories here in KY, and I am sure you are making them in your new place too. Thanks for reading my blog! I wish you all the best too…we’ll keep you updated πŸ™‚

  3. livelaughloveliquor says:

    Big Hugs, hon. I understand exactly how you feel….our homes are such a reflection of ourselves, our lives and what we deem holy. Oprah Winfrey once said that if you describe your home in 3 words, you will also find in those 3 words, you are describing yourself as well.

    Good luck with your move. I’m sure you will love the new place.
    p.s. It is a lovely home, looking at the picture. I ahve porch envy!

  4. Tori Nelson says:

    We moved when my son was 2 months old. I couldn’t understand why I was so heartbroken about leaving (we lived in a teensy condo in the city) but it was the idea that my boy’s first days were in those rooms. The great thing about kids though? They keep on making memories almost as quickly as they fill diapers! Can’t wait to hear what you think of Kentucky! I’m right downstairs in Tennessee πŸ™‚

    • Butterfingers for Breakfast says:

      Wow! Moving when he was two months old!?!? That must have been hard! But you are right, we are already making new memories here in KY πŸ™‚ And so far, so good. except for those thugs in WV who stole our car top carrier. Everyone in Kentucky has been really nice πŸ™‚ And maybe, if I get pregnant here I will get the star treatment like you! If I’m lucky πŸ˜‰

  5. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife says:

    Ah, this made me smile in a sad way. I understand that attachment and connection we form with places and things. I believe God will bless you, in the secret wants of your heart. Have safe travels and look forward to hearing about your new home in Kentucky! Now I can say I “know” someone from that state!

  6. Country Living says:

    It’s hard to close one chapter of your life to open a new one. We went through the same thing two years ago. We moved from Florida where we knew everybody and our families were there, to a small country town in Missouri. It was quite an eye opener, and is still an experience I will never forget. I am aglad we made the move. Leaving behind what you know is difficult, but better things lie ahead!

    • Butterfingers for Breakfast says:

      Wow! My sister lives in eastern Missouri. They moved last August and it has been really hard for her. But now we will get to see her as we’re only two hours away!! Yes, it’s the closing of a chapter that makes moving so difficult. I’m glad you can relate. I think my husband thought I was nuts for all the crying I did πŸ™‚

  7. happykidshappymom says:

    Oh my goodness, I can totally relate. And I wish you nothing but the best for your big move! When I was two, my parents moved my younger sister and me into our new house. My husband’s parents did the same thing when he was two. Then, years later when I had a house and children of my own, we moved across the country when my son was two and my daughter 7 months. What is it about that 2-year-old mark? I don’t know. But it does seem to be an ideal time for moving.

    I cried too. Like a baby! And like my own babies. The house we were leaving was our first home. And it’s where I had brought them home from the hospital, just like you. Painted their rooms, watched my son take his first steps, and my daughter pull herself to a stand for the first time…

    All I can say is that it will get easier. But if you’re like me, the sadness will last for a while. It’s a big change. Huge. And to move with two little ones? There are easier things, that’s for sure.

    But as my husband said to me, over and over, it’s just a house. And we have pictures. And our children will do even more amazing things in our next house (they have). They’re 4 and 2 and a half now.

    After the move, we spent 6 months living with my parents, and that definitely helped. I know you won’t have as long of a time, but my advice is to act just like a kid when you’re there. Don’t be afraid to let those emotions out! Your parents have seen it all before. πŸ™‚

    Good Luck!!! And I promise your new house will bring even more wonderful memories, as your kids learn and grow and make their own marks on it (there will be lots).

    Also, I wanted to let you know: Congratulations! I just awarded you with the Versatile Blogger Award (it’s a fun little award passed around within the blogging community). Here’s the shortlink: http://wp.me/p1jBAi-ct Looking forward to reading your “fun facts!”

    Hang in there!
    –Melissa

    • Butterfingers for Breakfast says:

      Wow! Thanks for the award Melissa!! How fun πŸ™‚ I will check it out. And crazy, sounds like you were in the almost exact same position as me a few years ago. The closing of the chapter is what’s so hard for me. I guess it means I’m getting older, and that’s kinda sad too. But we are making it through and yes we are making new memories already! Yay. I haven’t cried too much since we left, but reading your comment I cried again 😦 Just reminded me of the fact that we really did move! It doesn’t feel like it right now. Feels like we will be going home soon. Anyway, thanks for the award!!

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